GUYS, THIS STORY may ruin sex for you.
Okay, probably not.
But we bet the next time you’re mid-coitus, you’ll probably have a few thoughts of your own about the sheer awkwardness of sexual intercourse—or maybe, like Louis C.K. on speed, you already have those thoughts whirring around your brain.
Either way, take solace in the fact you’re not the only one experiencing sexual anxieties, and take note: The more you can anticipate her anxieties, the better you can address some of the recurring frustrations you read below. They’ll make your relationship stronger—and that horizontal tango much sexier.
“Sometimes I think about my to-do lists.” – Michelle S.
“I wonder if my boobs look good, just because that’s my biggest insecurity.” – Heather C.
“I can never turn my mind off, so I’m either wondering if he thinks it’s good or sometimes wishing it was over.” – Marie N.
“I’m always thinking about whether or not he’s having a good time, which is funny, because I should probably focus more on whether I’m enjoying it or not.” – Georgia S.
“I think about dirty talk. I say some stuff, but not all.” – Sarah D.
“‘Please make me come.’ And like so many other men and women, I’m wondering if my body looks unflattering during some positions (ahem, woman on top).” – Lianna E.
“I stress I’m not that fresh if he’s going down on me if I worked out or had a long day and haven’t showered yet.” – Jessica N.
“I think about how I’m so thirsty…for water.” – Lindsay V.
“During sex I think about how good it is and truly what I’m feeling in the moment. ‘Is he hitting the right spot? What is that cramp in my left toe? My legs are tired…’” – Quinn F.
“Usually I think about what I want to do next or what I want him to do next—or if he’s bad, I think about how I want to go to sleep.” – Nicole S.
“Sometimes I catch my mind wandering and I’ll be thinking about something as random as what I’ll have for dinner later. I definitely worry about taking too long to finish and whether he has any idea how to make me come. I’ll occasionally think about how I look (‘Did I shave my legs?’ or ‘I totally have a food baby from that burger I just ate.’). But I’m mostly trying not to think too much.” – Kristin F.
“Depends on how good the sex is! If it’s bad, I’m probably thinking about my next snack.” – Mary Kate Q.
“Hoping the condom doesn’t break…” – Jessie W.
“I’m usually in the moment and enjoying it, unless he’s not very good. Then I just want it to be over.” – Emily Y.
“If he’s a pounder, then I’m thinking this is painful and I need to get him to stop without hurting his feelings.” – Jenn D.
“Sometimes I’ll think of a fantasy to help me get in a better head space or more turned on. It’ll up my odds of having an orgasm.” – Avianna B.
“‘Good Lord he’s big. This feels great. Oh, we’re moving to doggie? Okay. Alright, slow it down. Ow. Ow. You’re going to break me in half.’ Too graphic? That’s a play-by-play, gents.” – Hilary W.
“‘Am I as good as your ex?’ I know it’s terrible and definitely not a healthy thought, but it always pops up in my head during sex.” – Vanessa J.
“Hopefully I’m thinking about how good he is, and how surprised I am. Rarely am I thrilled and satisfied when a guy goes down on me.” – Laura M.
“Is this how he’s had sex since high school? Has he really not picked up any tips? And, how the hell has he been in long-term relationships??” – Hannah F.