Once you’ve gotten into a rhythm with her clitoris, you can start to use your non-dominant hand on her internally. There are two different techniques I suggest trying.
First, simply move one or two fingers in and out of her vagina. (Again, a little lube will keep things moving smoothly.) The majority of the nerve endings are in the outer third of her vaginal canal, so try to focus more on that region.
Another option is to aim for the anterior wall of her vaginal canal (the side directly under her abdomen). With your palm facing up, insert one or two fingers, then curl them as if you’re making a “come here” motion. Start stroking the top of her vaginal canal, gradually increasing your pressure. You’re actually stimulating the internal fibers of her clitoris through layers of skin, so you need a fair amount of oomph.
Try each technique, and ask her which she likes best. Once you’ve homed in on her clitoral and internal preferences, keep going. Let her ride that wave.
How to stimulate her with your mouth and hand(s)
When most guys think about oral sex, they think about using their mouths and only their mouths. After all, it’s oral, right? I don’t blame you for the association, but you’re missing out—or, rather, she’s missing out—on a golden opportunity. One of the most frequent pieces of feedback I hear from my female clients is that they want their partners to get their hands involved during oral.
Use your mouth to focus on her clitoris. Again, keep it simple and consistent, with a basic up-and-down or side-to-side lick. With your dominant hand, try the two internal techniques I mentioned above.
If you really want to take the prize, try playing with her vagina with one hand and her anus with the other. Even a little bit of pressure at the anal entrance can send her spiraling into the mother of all orgasms.
How to make her climax with your penis and hands
Here’s another seemingly obvious trick to try, though hardly any men do: Touch her clitoris while you’re having intercourse. Most sex positions don’t create much, if any, clitoral stimulation, so women are rarely able to orgasm from intercourse alone. But this is easily remedied by getting your hands involved.
The easiest way to do this is with her on top. Use your thumb to stroke up and down on her clitoris as she rides you, or keep your thumb still and let her grind against it.
How to intensify her orgasm with sex toys
You can also use sex toys to create more intense dual stimulation. Ask her if she has any toys she likes to play with when she’s alone. If she digs one out of her bedside table, ask her to show you how she adjusts the settings the way she likes, then how she uses it on herself.
If she enjoys using a vibrator on her clitoris, you can hold it against her while you use your hand insider her. If she likes using a toy internally, use your hand to focus on her clitoris.
In the beginning, you might feel like you’re trying to do that old pat-your-head-while-rubbing-your-stomach trick. If you feel overwhelmed, relax. Dual stimulation really isn’t that hard to master. And trust me, she’ll appreciate your efforts!
If she doesn’t already have a toy, make that fun purchase together. Hey, a sex toy is a far more exciting Valentine’s Day gift than flowers, with their shelf life of about a week. At least when the vibrator’s batteries die, you can change them—just sayin’.
Vanessa Marin is a sex therapist. Check out her online orgasm course, Finishing School.