IMAGINE YOU HAD an hour to sit at a bar next to a beautiful woman—who also happened to be a sex expert—and ask her all of the questions you wanted to know about women and sex without being slapped (or judged). Minus the beer, we did just that.
Meet your professor—Emily Morse, sexologist, host of the top downloaded sex and relationship advice podcast Sex with Emily and co-founder of Emily & Tony.
Since she doesn’t have time to sit with each and every one of you, Morse divulged the top 10 questions men ask her about women and sex. Check ‘em out here—in order of most popular to least—with her candid answers so you’ll know exactly how to proceed with the women in your life.
1. Why can’t she orgasm?
If your girlfriend can’t orgasm during intercourse, she’s not alone—80% of women don’t reach orgasm through intercourse alone; most women require an assist from extra clitoral stimulation. To top that off, one in three women has trouble reaching orgasm at all. There could be many reasons, and none of them have to do with your sexual prowess. She might be feeling stressed or anxious, she may have low self-esteem or she may be just plain inexperienced with her own body. It’s all about a woman knowing her own hot spots, and once she figures them out, she can show you how she gets there. Another fun way to tilt the orgasm odds is to try out a sex toy. Incorporating a vibrator for extra clitoral stimulation during intercourse will definitely increase the odds of her having an orgasm.
2. How can we reignite the passion we had in the beginning?
When you first start dating a new person, every moment is sexy and thrilling because it’s uncharted territory. As the relationship develops, it becomes more routine, and therefore more boring. Once it becomes boring, the sex can become obsolete.
Sex is amazing at the beginning because there’s still mystery, excitement, and spontaneity, the foundation to keeping great sex alive. Planning things like date nights and new activities will help keep the relationship fresh, interesting, and sexy. And as unsexy as it sounds, set aside “sex time” for you and your partner to try new things. Make a sex bucket list of what you’d both like to try and cross something off the list every week or month. Be adventurous, be kinky, share your fantasies with each other and then make them happen. You’d be surprised what a new toy or change of scenery can do. Chances are, the spark hasn’t actually gone out; it’s just that no one’s been fanning the flames.
3. How can I get her to have sex with me more often?
You’re never going to “get” anyone to have more sex with you if you look at it as a one-way street. You want more sex, and you expect your girlfriend or wife to come along for your pleasure ride. If you really want more sex from your partner, tailor the sex to her needs, instead of focusing all your attention on your pleasure.
While it’s common for couples to have mismatched libidos, it doesn’t necessarily mean she doesn’t like sex as much you do, she just might not need it as often. A woman’s sex drive is tied to her brain more than her nether regions. This means she needs to be warmed up for action. Foreplay starts after the last orgasm; so if you’re feeling that she’s never in the mood, work on turning her on. Send her a flirty text message and tell her how good she felt last time you were together and what you’re going to do the next time you see her. Speaking of foreplay, kissing is another overlooked way to get things going and it’s often the first thing to slip by the wayside in long-term relationships. Lock lips to enhance intimacy and connection.
The last thing you want to do is to blame or pressure her, the more you push, the less she’ll want to give which won’t result in more action for you. You get more sex with honey than with vinegar. Sometimes couples just aren’t matched up sexually no matter what you do, so it might take compromise on both parts to set a sex schedule that works for both of you.
